How To Stop Being Clingy and Needy Part2
Do you struggle with people pleasing and neglecting yourself?
This article could change your life!
Listen to learn the difference between needs and neediness and my LIFECHANGING Tool to start healing your neediness asap!
“Neediness is often a primary cause of relationship problems. We are needy when we abandon and reject ourselves and then expect others to take responsibility for our feelings and make us feel lovable and worthy. Neediness is the foundation of codependent relationships: takers demand that others take responsibility for their happiness and wellbeing, and caretakers accept this responsibility in the hope that then the other person will love and approve of them. Neither is taking responsibility for their own feelings, instead abandoning themselves and creating their neediness.” Dr. Margaret Paul.
When we don’t take personal responsibility for our needs, we cant help but make people responsible. When we were children, our parents were 100% responsibility, but as an adult, we become responsible. Then we can see what our relationships are giving us as a GIFT not a requirement.
When we expect others to meet our needs for safety, love, worthiness, and to feel good than we are behaving co-dependently and need to learn to focus on ourselves and learn how to give that to ourselves.
ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIPS
Unavailable and Toxic relationships make the neediness inside of you WORSE! They promise to give you what you need, but never follower through. Someone who is manipulative will keep dangling what you want in front of you, but never give it to you so you keep chasing after it. And they sprinkle in crumbs when they are happy with you, but these crumbs [which are intermittent reinforcement which makes your relationship addictive!] never satisfy you.
After bad and Toxic Relationships - you will feel super clingy and needy. Any relationship that’s one-sided will leave you feeling needy and also bad for having needs b/c the “taker” or toxic person will downplay what you need, shame you, or just ignore your needs.
In case no one’s told you: Needs are not Bad! Needs are normal!
Toxic people will make you feel ashamed and insecure for having needs when they are [especially narcissists] are the neediest people!! Or else they wouldn’t be taking and taking and giving zero back.
If you struggle with giving, pleasing, fixing, and helping at the expense of yourself, that you may have a lot of one-sided relationships [this is codependency].
This dynamic of giving to the wrong people and wanting reciprocity (what is normal in relationships!) and getting a big fat zero in return will just reinforce the beliefs that “needs are bad, you are bad, you are clingy, needy, desperate,” blah blah blah.
In these relationships with Toxic or unavailable people, IF you’re brave enough to ask for something, you’re going to get false promises, ignored, guilted, shamed, aka anything that makes you regret saying a n y t h i n g in the first place which just reinforces your own false beliefs that keep you putting others first and neglecting yourself in the first place!!
That can all change NOW if you
Start everyday by FIRST filling your own cup first! That means caring, loving, supporting, and protecting yourself and your energy before anyone else! Go from insecure and needy to secure and happy by practicing this daily!
Accept that your needs are 100% your responsibility
Your giving and helping are really self-sacrificing and be determined to stop giving/helping/fixing/please compulsively [without thinking]
Make a commitment to care for yourself first and trust that other people will take do the same for themselves
Watch your self talk! Your are not selfish. Its not your job to care-take and fix other peoples problems! Your only job is to take care of YOU!
Only give in reciprocal relationships
Expect a return on your time, love, energy, care, etc. No longer accept crumbs.
Make sure your giving for the right reasons, not to fill some internal void
If you want to stop attracting the same cycle of unfulfilling relationships, if you want 1 on 1 help to stop people pleasing and get the relationships you’re truly deserving of!!
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