How to Stop People Pleasing Everyone!
Being a People Pleaser SUCKS
Being a people pleaser flat out sucks. You may be such a people pleaser that you are codependent. This is where you need other people to make you feel good and you do this by giving, pleasing, fixing, and helping others at your detriment of yourself just so you feel like a worthwhile human being! That was soo me!
You may know mentally you’re supposed to take care of yourself, but you may not know how.
You may feel selfish every time you try to and then you let those feelings of guilt over-power you from taking care of yourself.
You may feel a compulsion to put other’s needs first and feel that your needs and wants are less than others.
You may know that you should make time for yourself, but it feels like there is just not enough time in the day to make everyone you love happy and yourself happy too.
You may feel underserving of good things when you try to give to yourself.
You may feel that what others give you and what you give yourself are not equal. When you try to give to yourself, it doesn’t feel enough (because you have so many beliefs of being undeserving and unworthy) and then you NEED others to give to you so that you feel good and ok.
You may need others to regulate your feelings by what they feel and think about you b/c you can’t feel ok or good on your own.
You may feel so valued and amazing helping others that it’s just become who you are in the world.
You are a Slave to Your Programming
If you learned something like this growing up…Who I am is wrong/no good/unlovable/ worthless. I need to earn love and attention by being what other’s want me to be.
I’m going to love, care, and give, give, give! so that others value me and then Ill be valuable!
I’m defective.
Others matter more than me. I am not as important or worthy as others. I don’t deserve to be cared about, taken care of, or loved as I am.
I can’t be me b/c other’s will leave and I can’t ever let that happen again! I must get approval and please others to survive in this world.
Just existing to make everyone happy is not living!
There is no room for you to be who you are when you exist only to please others.
Being yourself is hard when you’re a people pleaser…. b/c you walk a very fine line with not wanting others to be upset with you, getting other’s approval, making everyone happy, and taking care of everyone’s needs that being yourself at all is impossible!
IF YOU DARE ROCK THE BOAT and let a thought or feeling out that opposes others, you will be on the look out for rejection and abandonment.
People may not like this expressive side of you and distance themselves or be simply surprised. You may interpret their distance or surprise as rejection. Then you may shut you down or over-react which pushes people away and it all ends with the same results = confirming that your beliefs that were created in childhood are right. There really is something wrong with me. I cant be myself, b/c I’ll get rejected.
They aren’t right, they are lies based on how our caregivers treated us.
Our Beliefs Run Our Lives
Your inner beliefs were created when you were just a child and then you forget all about them, but they are evident in your thoughts and actions. Make no mistake, beliefs are the engine that creates or destroys our lives!
In Psychology Today, they state that, “Beliefs are our brain’s way of making sense of and navigating our complex world. They are mental representations of the ways our brains expect things in our environment to behave, and how things should be related to each other—the patterns our brain expects the world to conform to. Beliefs are templates for efficient learning and are often essential for survival.” Ralph Lewis, MD
You may have beliefs that sound like this:
I’m not ok
There’s something wrong with me
I have to please others and make them happy to have people in my life
People leave me if I show them who I am
Who I am is unacceptable
Who I am is unworthy/ bad/wrong and I have to please and give to others to be OK/acceptable
The Sacrifices People Pleasers Make
You sacrifice making real connections with others by neglecting to show them who you are or be vulnerable.
You do all you can to avoid being rejected/others anger or disapproval.
You let people walk all over you so that you dont get rejectd or abandoned.
You bend yourself into a pretzel on a daily basis that you dont even know who you are!
You may accept unacceptable or abusive relationships because you are so terrified of being alone.
You treat yourself less than others.
You sacrifice yourself daily for others.
You dont go after what you want or need.
You stuff your feelings and thoughts.
You prevent yourself from being loved and cared about b/c you are not showing up as a real person.
You expect so much of yourself and treat yourself poorly.
You feel badly about yourself.
I COULD GO ON AND ON!
Life Can Be Pretty Sweet When You Learn How To Love Yourself From the Inside Out!!
If you live your life in reaction to what other’s think, feel, or treat you - than you are not living. You are being just a tiny fraction of yourself or being fake because that’s what it takes to please everyone. You Can Learn How to Take Control Back of your life! See my gift below to actually learn how start taking great care of yourself and make yourself feel good!!
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